by Pete Barba

Saying goodbye is never easy, but it’s also never been this hard before.

I’ve talked a lot so far about saying goodbye to patients, which has been incredibly hard, but I haven’t mentioned much about saying goodbye to my family at work.

Not enough has been said about the healthcare heroes during the past 2 ½ years.  Initially there was thanks and recognition, but that quickly faded away as COVID went from new and terrifying to a pandemic that seemingly ½ of Americans didn’t believe existed.

My team are some of those heroes.  They weren’t in the ICU caring for people on life saving machines, they also weren’t in the ER giving CPR; we don’t do anything that dramatic.  We are the silent, unseen heroes that aren’t on the news.  When COVID first hit our small town, we were the ones who went into care homes without adequate safety equipment or immunizations to triage patients, without a care for our own safety.  We were the ones on Christmas and New Years, or during weekends or family dinners, that got called on our “bat phone” to go and evaluate a dying patient with a high contagious disease.  We were the ones who slept alone in our beds, ate separate from our families and sometimes even modified the airflow in our houses to prevent spreading COVID to our families.  We saw patients outside in their cars in the scorching California sun, or during storms when the rain was coming down sideways.  In the end, our county had 200-400 less COVID deaths compared to its peers, due to the actions of my team.  

I say the next bit with tremendous honor to both the military and my team.  My team are like soldiers, they have given freely of themselves for the past 2 years, they have put their own lives and their families lives at risk fighting an unseen enemy that has killed over a million Americans, they missed many holidays, dinners and weekends, they had to adapt quickly as their enemy kept changing his fighting style, and no one will know the horrors they have seen or the hard choices they had to make.  They are truly heroes.

During that time, they also kept me going.  As we’ll discuss in a later article, I struggle with depression.  They were my rock, when my thoughts went dark, they lifted me up; when I had run myself into the ground, they made me rest and heal; when I got frustrated, they reminded me it would be ok and to slow down.  It’s not often that work colleagues care so deeply for each other.  I am lucky to be part of that team.

That is why it is so hard to say goodbye to my team.  We have suffered the horrors of fighting an unseen enemy, we have cared deeply about our team mates, we have communed regularly together, we know each other’s likes/dislikes, gluten issues, drink preferences, pets’ names and kids spots.  We are a big, crazy, brilliant, hard working family that will forever give to our community.

This weekend, we had a wonderful BBQ farewell party with my work family.  We laughed, I cried, we shared stories and we celebrated a job well done.  They shared with me words that I will carry with me…

“Here’s to the creative individuals, the unconventional thinkers, the out-of-the-boxers who feel too constrained all too often by the day-to-day grind.

Here’s to the adventurous at-heart, those who look upon distant shores with love and longing.

The travelers and wanderers who seek lands unknown, not because they’ve lost their minds, but because they wish to expand their souls…

… to you, we wish Godspeed, safe travels and many happy memories in the making.

May the adventures you seek meet your satisfaction, the sites you see make you smile for years to come and cultures you soak in fill your soul to your heart’s content.

And when you long for familiarity and faces and voices of those you know well…

… may you always remember your way home”

Sam Ceridon

These folks are my brothers and sisters.  I will miss them more than words can describe. We have done great things, and in my absence I have no doubt they will continue to do amazing things.

But the winds have changed and it’s time for me to tack.  My children need me and I need them.  Kate has supported me through this journey and now it’s time for me to support her as she explores her passions.  And for me, it’s time to have an out-breath and recenter my life.  

As Sam said it best, it’s time for me to feel less constrained and expand my soul.